Idea for a Skit Video: Scene 1

I was washing my clothes at the washeteria a couple of hours ago, and I thought of an idea for a vid that I think would be funny. It's long-ish, but if you read my blog posts, I'm pretty sure you're used to that.
Here we go.

(Camera fades from black to downtown city scene.)
(Theme music starts.)
("TAKE4 Productions presents)
("a film directed by [whoever is directing the video]")
(Switch to feet walking. Feet belong to Jon. Camera slowly looks up to Jon's face.)
(Switch to beside Jon, follow Jon as he walks.)
(Switch to front of alleyway entrance made by apartment and some other building. Jon walks past alleyway and out of shot.)
(Switch to apartment entrance, which is blocked. Jon starts going up steps, then stops, realizing it's blocked.)
(Switch to Jon's face. He has a look of slight confusion. Looks at left of entrance and sees landlady. Camera is in Jon's POV for this.)
(Switch back to Jon.)
Jon: Um, Ms. Thompson? Can I go in?
(Switch to MT.)
MT: You can't, it's blocked. Go 'round back.
(Switch to Jon.)
Jon: Well, why is it blocked?
(Switch to MT.)
MT: Why's it matter? Go 'round back!
(Switch to Jon.)
Jon: I just wanna know-
(Switch to MT.)
MT: You gotta problem? Go 'round back!
(Switch to Jon.)
Jon: I- yes, ma'am. (Leaves and walks towards direction of alleyway.)
(View from inside alleyway. Jon walks in front of alleyway, stops.)
(Switch to closeup of Jon's face and upper body.)
(Jon hesitates for a moment, gives a small sigh, then walks into alleyway.)
(Switch to entryway of alley looking at Jon from behind.)
(Jon walking further into alleyway.)
(Switch to front of Jon.)
(Jon sees door to apartment, begins to walk toward it.)
(Two steps later, Jon is blindsided by Stranger and slammed into apartment wall. Stranger grabs Jon and forcefully spins him towards self.)
(Stranger begins searching Jon frantically, then rips open Jon's shirt. [Don't worry, Jon's got an undershirt.])
Jon: What the-?!?!
Stranger: Where is it?! (forcefully spins Jon toward wall and slams him against it. Takes off Jon's overshirt, throws it to ground behind him. Continues to search.)
Jon: Wha- where's what?! (Totally confused, freaked out.)
Stranger: Don't give me that! Where'z the package?!
Jon: What package?!
Stranger: I said don't give me that! (Slams Jon against wall again.) They said you'd have it, bunch of cheating dirtbags!!
Jon: Who said what?!
Stranger: They said a Mr. Aaron Schmitz'd have it! Don't try to keep it from me, Schmitz!!
Jon: Wait.. my name's not Aaron!
Stranger: Don't lie to me! (Slam)
Jon: No, I'm serious!! I've got ID!!
Stranger:... Where is it?!
Jon: My back left pocket! In the wallet!
(Stranger stops for a moment, then reaches into Jon's pocket while keeping an eye on Jon.)
(Stranger backs up with wallet.)
(Switch to back of Jon.)
(Jon turns around while Stranger goes through wallet.)
(Switch to stranger with part of Jon in picture.)
(Stranger finds ID; looks at it for three seconds. Stranger looks up.)
Stranger: Uh... Jon?
(Switch to Jon)
Jon: That's right.. Jon Whitfield!
(Switch back.)
Stranger: Not Aaron Schmitz?
(Switch)
Jon: No!
(Switch)
(Stranger pauses.)
Stranger: You're the new guy in the apartment, right?
Jon: Yeah, I moved in yesterday.
(Switch to side view of both of them.)
(Pause.)
Stranger:.. Uh, I'm reeally sorry about that.
Jon: (still mildy stunned) Um, it's alright.
Stranger: S'just I'm expecting something important, you know. Keeps me on edge waiting for it.
Jon: I understand.
Stranger: (hands back wallet with ID) Well, I hope you like it here. It's, uh... it's great after you settle in.
(Switch to Jon)
Jon: I can see that. (Looks at shirt on ground.)
(Switch to Stranger)
Stranger: (sees Jon looking at shirt) Oh! Sorry. Lemme just- (picks up shirt, shakes it off, hands it back to Jon.) Uh, have a good day.
Jon: Uh, yeah.. okay.
(Awkward pause, then Jon and stranger walk different ways; Jon to door, Stranger wherever.)
(Switch to door. Jon walks into apartment. Camera black.)
(Title.)
("starring")
(Names on screen one at a time.)
(End scene.)

I have a second scene thought of too, but I didn't want to type it into this post since the post is long enough as it is. Peace.