Being Pursued... It's Overrated (And a Little Scary)

    My short inspiration for this little snippet is this all-too-common belief among Christian women:

    "A true, good, Christian man will pursue his future wife.  If he is unwilling to do so, then he is not worth it (or not ready.)"

    And I have heard this repeatedly from countless women.  Good ol' Southern ladies, repeating a mantra with a matter-of-fact tone, drilling into my skull at every retreat, encounter, women's discussion and course... and now they've gotten a hold of social media (oy vey), which means it can now lightly slap my brain each time I zip through my Feed.  "A man should pursue, a man should pursue, a MAN SHOULD-"
    It's really quite frustrating, but there's surely no harm in it.
    Except the men get the same message.  And, based on observations and experiences, men and women have very different definitions of "pursue."

    It would seem that a lot of women think of Disney when it comes to romantic pursuit:

1. the man glides in with an air of charm and grace,
2. he sings a song, asks for a dance, plays a guitar,
3. and he hands her a flower before whisking her off to their chateau of dreams and rainbows.

    The man, on the other hand, appears to see it as a hunt.  The woman is the most dangerous game, and courting is the wild forest that he must fight through in order to ultimately win.  Marriage is the top prize to be flashed about to the world - it is the big notch in the belt that states, "Not only have I attracted this bird, but I have also captured her body, heart, and soul.  She is MINE in every way."  And that is terrifying.

    This, of course, is most likely a very broad generalization for both genders.  But it does certainly appear to be this way in the eye of a third party.  The giggle-filled dreams that girls share suggest a fairytale ideal.  The Broseph talk that guys have at the mention of a girl's name suggests a desire to dominate.
    And I probably found this to be the most interesting at - guess where - a religious setting.
    It's interesting because these conversations are based on the same basic needs, but they're BeDazzled with the promises of pastors and powers above.  And to further add confusion, "there's only one person that you're meant to be with... woven and pieced together just for you!  It says in the Bible!"
    How very special.

    Side note: so I kind of understand the need to feel unique and important, to feel like God's got your back on every need.  But this poses a couple of problems:

    First, does this not establish laziness in a person (especially a woman?)  "I don't really have to worry about how I present myself.  God has a man just for me!" 
    And two (much more importantly), does this not sow a seed of expectation that grows into desperation?  I'm only 24 years old, and I have seen many of my peers from Bible school "find the one", get married immediately, and divorce in one or two years.  Others become engaged, split up, and rebound to the first person that shows interest.  Very messy stuff.

     Back to my main bit. So these young Christian men are told to actively pursue "the one". And for many men, to pursue is to hunt. This can get very serious, because some of us women don't necessarily buy into the preplanned destiny stuff. So personally, I find that it can be more than a little scary when a man insists that I will be his wife. And these guys don't freaking quit. "God gave me a vision/dream/straight up told me..."
     Well, hold the phone. Don't I get a say? Because I think you're gross, creepy, and intellectually a little under my level. And this idea that I will just give up my hopes and goals for you is nothing short of insulting.
     I am not a notch.
     I am not an animal to be caught and mounted above the mantle for all to see.
     I am a person with plans. I am an individual who wants to run a business (or two, or three) and help the world. I will not answer to someone every time I want to take a step forward. And I will not surrender to the foolish notion that a Prince Charming is out there, waiting to baby me and protect me from all of my problems.
    I will not sit and "be pursued", especially by maniacs who cannot distinguish the voices of reality and wishful thinking.