When you're winding down for your weekend by drawing and listen-watching your favorite videos, that's a good time.
When you're finished drawing and you take a break by going to Sonic for a half-price shake (Mini, I'm not a masochist), that's a good time.
When you come home, log into Facebook, browse through older photos and comment conversations shared with friends, and realize you're growing irritated and sort of angry at the memories - your old classmates. Your idiotic sense of optimism, hope, and belief.  All of the time, effort, and stress spent at a school and a summer camp - time, effort, and stress that ultimately mean nothing....

Maybe I am a masochist.

So I Think I'm Fickle

  I'm just going to throw this out there - and by no means is this in any way some complicated attempt to prove my deepness or enlightenment, good news for you - but I think I might be overly fickle.
  I was just thinking about things, which rabbit-trailed (as always) into other things.  That other final thing was a history of people I've fancied.  And as I looked back on each person, I thought, "What was I even thinking?"  I'm sure this is universal, and by no means am I considering myself to be some special snowflake in this.  I just think this has happened a lot, and it's one of those things that makes me think that I shouldn't even bother becoming attached to anybody.
  Because history has shown that I become incredibly fond of somebody, then grow tired of him, then eventually grow to dislike him greatly.  Example: this one person who I liked immensely during Bible college, then sorta left him behind as I moved on with life - someone mentioned him or something on Facebook, and I thought, Hm, wonder how he's doing, so I looked him up for kicks.  And I found that he has a website.  I also found his writing on said website to be absolutely insufferable.  I actually wanted to make a special road trip just to slap him for writing something so intolerably awful.  I considered posting a sample of his writing, but his page seems to be tampered with, so now it's in Latin.  And the worst part is that I thought he had just finally gone off the deep end, and I wasn't surprised.  But I've digressed.
   Point is, I'm fickle.  I guess it's not so bad, since I now recognize this in myself.  But I suppose this flaw in myself is what's kept me from establishing any real, long-lasting relationships with anybody (this mainly applies to platonic relationships at the moment, since I've always turned down any romantic opportunities that I've been offered right at the get-go.)  Throughout my life, pretty much every person I've been really tight with has been sort of left behind.  And it's because I grow bored or tired with that person once I find myself in a new place or situation.  Then any reunion, accidental or purposeful, is just awkward as hell.
  This applies to old BFFs, people from any of the schools or churches I've attended (the exception being one family from my old church - they own a comic shop, and they're great), and coworkers/managers (I don't ever go back to places I used to work.)

  I wonder how many other people are like this.  I also wonder how many people are so ridiculous that they would place such a pointless post on the Internet for all to see.  Hm.

Salt Shakers and Fire (A Little Lesson on Empathy)

Before I get into this, let me share a quick warning of how I plan to write from this point on:
This post, along with any future posts that may happen, might contain words that aren't suitable for kids, homeschooled teenagers, and the overly sensitive/religious.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning to liberally douse my posts in profanities, sex, and violence.  But I don't want to be on pause for 45 minutes trying to figure out how to word something in a "family-friendly" way.  Because honestly, how many people actually read this?  I'm also not going to hold any punches when I type.  If your thought is, "She's holding back?  She's said some pretty harsh stuff", my response is this - I've censored and cleaned up my opinions more than you could care to know.  So on with the show.

  So Facebook, the cesspool of idiots and chain images, has been a bit of a frustration for me lately.  I keep it because A, it's a guaranteed way for someone to contact me, and B, it has games... whatever, I just want to crush some candy now and again.
  But I'm just not sure why I bother scrolling through the Newsfeed sometimes, because 85% of it is garbage.  It's a smorgasbord of local news stories, flaming political bullshit from people whose information comes from those who agree with their ignorance (dat confirmation bias), and saccharin-sweet quotes and pass-it-ons that feature God, "chill-inducing" singers, and the disabled.
  Oh look... it's my Yahoo! inbox all over again.
  Another type of filth that invades Facebook is the humorous meme-type image.  And the worst ones are the ones created by the religious.  They're never funny, they don't make you think, and some have a tendency to be in poor taste.  Let me show you a brief example:




  In case you're not familiar with Genesis, Lot and his family are the only people in Sodom and Gomorrah deemed worthy of salvation from a fiery destruction.  They're told to get out of the city, and they are to not look back.  So as they arrive at a neighboring town, God annihilates Sodom and Gomorrah;  the cities, plains, vegetation, people are completely wiped out.  As this happens, Lot's wife turns and looks back at her home city.  As she does this, she turns into a pillar of salt.  Lot then continues onward with his daughters.

  So this image might be considered witty and humorous if you really don't think about this story as more than some shallow tale of no real weight or importance, like Humpty Dumpty or Jack and the Beanstalk.  These people certainly did:

  Who knows?  Maybe you had a snicker, had a belly laugh, had a chuckle.  But what I'd like for you to do instead is this:

  Place yourself in Sodom.
  You've moved to this place with your spouse and your two beautiful daughters.  Your two daughters have grown, they've met two men, and they plan to marry pretty soon.
  You and your family talk with the neighbors as you do household chores - yes, the fruits are doing quite well this season.  Maybe we should go to the market together tomorrow.  The weather has really been fantastic lately.
  Friends pass by and drop a bit of the latest news: Sara is going to have a child, can you believe it?  Let us hope for a strong, healthy son!  We shall believe for the best... I hope to see you soon!
  As you go about your daily life, you've somewhat noticed that your neighbors partaking in lifestyles that you might deem questionable.  But in the end, that's their issue... you and your family have simply chosen not to participate, and that seems to be working out.  These actions aside, you and your neighbors seem to get along swimmingly.
  Then one night, your spouse brings home two strange men.  Your house is a house of love and hospitality, so you care for them, and you're all about to go to bed.  Suddenly, you realize that your house is surrounded by men.  In fact, you could swear that every man from Sodom is around your little house, and they're all trying to get a hold of these two strangers.  You're confused and scared, and it doesn't help when your spouse attempts to trade your virgin daughters to these men.  Your children, your blood and heart... they're of less value than two men your spouse just met a couple of hours ago.
  This trade attempt has now pissed off your neighbors, and they're trying to kill your spouse and break in.  However, this is stopped when the strangers blind everyone outside.  As these two men pull your spouse inside, they ask you if there's anybody else in your family... sons, son-in-laws, daughters?
  "We have two sons-in-law."
  "You and your family will need to leave... we have been sent by God to destroy the city."
  ...What?
  God has supposedly placed judgment on Sodom, and everyone who stays behind will be wiped out.  Every man, woman, small child... no one will survive the wrath of God except for your family.
  Your spouse leaves you to find the sons-in-law, then comes back empty-handed: "They believe it to be a joke."
  So that's it?  No attempt to persuade them otherwise?  No real effort to save our daughters' husbands?  You attempt to comfort your daughters' broken hearts and wipe their bitter tears, but are suddenly grabbed by these men and rushed out of your home.  They drag you out of the city, then tell you to run for the mountains and to never look back.  Don't stop until you reach the mountains, or you'll die with everyone else.
  Your spouse pleads and begs with these men: "Can't we just run to the nearby village of Zoar?  We've been loyal and kind... we'll die in the mountains, let us go to Zoar!"  These men agree, and your family runs off in the night.
  You soon reach Zoar, and the sun has risen.  Suddenly, you hear it - the whistling of fiery missiles falling from the heavens, the crashing and smashing of astral projectiles hitting houses and markets, the blazing of fields, the screams and cries of everyone you knew...
  Your life was there.
  Your daughters' husbands and futures were there.
  Sodom wasn't the holiest place.  It wasn't exactly Godly or righteous.  But it was home.  And now it's all burning to nothing.
  Is there anyone who followed and made it out alive?  Maybe our sons changed their minds and made it.
  Where can we really go?  Is there any chance we could salvage any of our belongings?
  We have nothing left... what are we going to do?
   Now, with all of this going through your mind and your emotions and heart shot to hell, I want you to not turn around.